Buencamino writes political commentary for Action for Economic Reforms. This article was published in Business Mirror February 13,2008 edition, p. A10

The Rodolfo Noel Lozada Jr. saga is unprecedented. Nothing in the history of man or beast comes close. It is the first and only recorded instance of a witness asking those he is about to testify against to protect him from those who want him alive and well.

The following is the true version of Mr. Lozada’s amazing journey:

We took custody of Mr. Lozada when he disembarked from a Cathay Pacific flight from Hong Kong.

“Who are you?” Mr. Lozada asked us.

“We are the police protection you asked for,” we replied.

“I don’t remember asking,” he said.

“Your brother did,” we replied.

“Oh, I see. And whom are you protecting me from?” he asked.

“Those people who are waiting for you at the arrival area,” we replied.

“But they’re my family and friends. Is my brother with them?” he asked.

“We have to leave the airport immediately,” we replied.

“Where are you taking me?” he asked.

“We don’t know yet but right now we have to take evasive action. We will drive around Villamor, C-5, Slex, Cavite and Laguna,” we told him.

We drove around for hours, always on the look out for nuns, La Salle brothers, and Leah Navarro. They wanted to take Mr. Lozada and coerce him to bear false witness against the principals of ZTE-NBN.

Mr. Lozada could hear us communicating with command center the whole time.  He heard the order for us to surface him because media was raising a fuss about his “disappearance.” It seems destabilizers had fooled media that we were holding Mr. Lozada against his will. We were not.

As a matter of fact, Mr. Lozada was in constant communication with his family. He was even playing cellphone hide and seek with his wife

“Where are you?” his wife texted.

“Triangulate my signal, if you can, LOL,” he teased his wife.

Mr. Lozada thought he impressed us by that bit of techno-speak but he was floored by our wizardry when we told him we could read his texts before his wife got them. That’s also the reason why we allowed him to keep his cellphone while he was under our protective custody.

Mr. Lozada also spoke on the phone with Lito Atienza and Romy Neri. They assured him he was in good hands.

Mr. Atienza even told him that “Ma’m” and “ES” were directing the operation. Lozada was delighted.

“I can’t wait to go home and tell my wife that ‘Ma’m’ and ‘ES’ are actually managing my protection!” he said.

We reminded him how much “Ma’m” cares for the little guy.

“Remember how ‘Ma’m’ kept Garci safe for months?” we said.

We were all hungry from hours and hours of driving around so we decided to stop somewhere for a bite. We went to the Outback restaurant in Libis.

At Outback, we ran into a lawyer who just happened to be there… with papers for Mr. Lozada to sign.

“Hi Jun,” said the lawyer, “What a surprise to see you. Anyway, it’s good you’re here because I just happen to have a couple of papers for you to sign.  These papers will provide some comfort to the Palace because they show how much you appreciate all the trouble they went through just to protect you.”

Mr. Lozada read the papers and said, “These are antedated and false.”

“No, Jun. Those are just typos. Sign them and I’ll have the typos corrected as soon as I get back to the office,” the lawyer assured Mr. Lozada.

Mr. Lozada complied. But his sister, who was asked to sign a separate letter saying she requested police protection for Mr. Lozada, refused.

“I am 60 years old and I won’t destroy my name now. I won’t allow myself to be mistaken for my brother. Ano ako mukhang lalake? (Do I look like a man?)” she said.

The lawyer looked confused so we explained to him that our superiors mistakenly announced to the press that it was the brother who requested protection for Mr. Lozada.

We cleared up that slight misunderstanding, assuring the sister she didn’t look like her brother. Thereafter, Mr. Lozada and his sister, signed the papers, typos and all.

By the way, Mike Defensor was also at the Outback and, like the lawyer, he had a bundle of papers for Mr. Lozada.

“Pare, I have some papers for you,” said Mr. Defensor.

“Something else for me to sign?” asked Mr. Lozada.

“No Jun, these papers are for you to spend,” said Mr. Defensor.

We don’t know if Mr. Lozada used those papers to pay our tab.

From the Outback, we took Mr. Lozada to La Salle Greenhills. We thought he would be safe there. But we walked into an ambush.

We surrendered Mr. Lozada to nuns and La Salle brothers because our conventional arms were no match for their supernatural weapons.

At around 2:30 A.M. Mr. Lozada, surrounded by a phalanx of nuns and brothers, held a press conference where he twisted everything that happened to him while he was under our protection. Our hearts bled when we saw him break down in tears. We knew he was terrified of nuns.

After Mr. Lozada’s press conference, his captors turned him over to the Senate security forces.

He is now a captive of the Senate, forced to tell lies about innocent people and patriots whose only desire is to serve their country to the best of their abilities.

Believe it or not.