Buencamino writes political commentary for Action for Economic Reforms.  This article was published in Business Mirror July 18, 2007 edition, p. A6.

Dear all,

Seven justices of the Supreme Court tried, but were not strong enough, to restrain Souperman Ben Abalos from proclaiming Juan Miguel Zubiri comelected senator from Maguindanao.

Zubiri is in Shangri-Lalaland today, thanks to the help of seven justices from a neighboring kingdom called Lost Horizons.

At the Supreme Court, a TV news crew caught the comelected senator thanking someone he called Mama Mary for his stroke of good luck. That mysterious mama must have been the one who guided Lintang Bedol’s hand, gave strength to Souperman and enlightened seven clueless Supreme Court Justices to do what they did.

On the day of his much-awaited proclamation, Zubiri attended mass at the Manila Cathedral: “I thank God this is over. It’s been mental and emotional torture for me. This is a fate I wouldn’t wish even on my enemies.” And he thanked Gloria Arroyo for her “moral support” during his ordeal.

The “moral support” came as no surprise because Zubiri and Mrs. Arroyo suffered similar nightmares. So similar, in fact, that upon waking up to the reality that he, too, would forever be haunted by the ghost of Maguindanao, Zubiri spoke words Gloria had spoken countless times.

Like her, he asked the public to reconcile themselves to their fate: “Let’s now move forward, work together. Let’s put an end to bickering, politicking and intrigues.  Let’s start the healing and the uniting of our people.  The last thing that the people will need is to see their senators fighting over petty things, fighting each other on petty issues.”

Like her, he blamed the system for what happened: “Let’s not crucify the candidate, let’s crucify the system. So let’s change the system. It is not our fault if we campaigned hard and the people on the ground voted for us that way or worked for us that way.”

I’m tempted to remind Zubiri that if only he had listened to Mike Defensor—”I concede to ease the tension on the ground and to dismiss the notion that there may be illegal acts committed to attain my victory. I concede so as to enjoin my allies and friends who may want, in their desire to have me win, commit acts inimical to the essence of democracy and fair play in an electoral battle”—he wouldn’t have to talk like Gloria Arroyo. But I know he has other things on his mind now.

After his proclamation, Zubiri said, “We’re going to take a rest in an island resort where there is no cell site. Give us four days, we will make a baby first.”

He reminded me of athletes shouting to TV cameras, “We’re going to Disneyland!” after bagging a trophy.

In any case, I wish Zubiri good luck. A baby will make him realize there are certain things in God’s creation more important than winning a Senate seat by whatever it takes. Now, if only Mr. and Mrs. Arroyo could still “make babies”…

But wait… In this Enchanted Kingdom, who knows what tomorrow brings?

In four years’ time, convicted child rapist Romeo Jalosjos will be a free man, thanks to a commutation of sentence granted by Mrs. Arroyo.

Maybe the aging pedophile will finally express remorse by turning his Dakak Island resort into “Uncle Romeo’s Enchanted Island Orphanage for Girls,” and Gloria will be first in line to adopt a pretty little sister for Luli.

Well, I gotta go.

Hugs and kisses and pray you don’t run into anybody’s mother on your way to any restroom anywhere,