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Action for Economic Reforms

BEHEADINGS AND TORTILLA CHIPS

Buencamino does political and foreign affairs analysis for the NGO Action for Economic Reforms. This piece was published in the Yellow Pad column of Business World, 05 July 2004 edition.


Al Qaeda forces, or at least the men behind the masks, are on a

beheading spree. They believe they can win the war by decapitating

their enemies.


The Americans, on the other hand, have a different approach to fighting

wars. They believe they can win by handing over formal sovereignty to

the Iraqis.


Before handing over formal sovereignty to Iraq, L. Paul Bremmer, the

American proconsul, took steps to ensure that a eunuch would rise from

the ashes of the old Iraq.


Bremmer, according to the Washington Post, “had issued 97 legal orders,

which are defined by the U.S. occupation authority as ‘binding

instructions or directives to the Iraqi people’ that will remain in

force even after the transfer of political authority.”


In addition to the handpicked Iraqi leadership, he appointed dozens of

officials who would hold office even after the handover of formal

sovereignty.


Bremmer’s orders and appointments cover everything under the sun,

practically every other aspect of Iraqi life. To cite some: Iraq’s

democratic transition, security, taxation, trade, media, the securities

market, the future use of radioactive material, energy, Arab-Kurd

property disputes and even limiting the use of car horns for emergency

situations only.


To ensure that Iraq does not backslide into dictatorship or morph into

a theocratic state, Bremmer fashioned a law empowering a handpicked

commission to disqualify any political party and its candidate from

participating in democratic elections.


To ensure Iraq’s steadfastness as an ally, Bremmer ordered a fixed

five-year term for the positions of national security adviser and

intelligence chief for his handpicked interim prime minister. Should

another prime minister be elected in the proposed January 2005

elections, the new prime minister will have no power to replace his

predecessor’s choices.


To ensure internal security, the Occupation forces led by America will

remain in Iraq under the control of the Americans. American forces will

be immune from any criminal or civil suits arising from legalized acts

like torture or robbing antiquities from museums. Iraq will be

consulted on certain military operations but as Colin Powell says, it

will not be allowed to use the word “veto.”


To ensure justice, Saddam Hussein will be tried by an Iraqi tribunal while remaining in an American prison.


To ensure Iraq’s easy entry into the World Trade Organization (WTO),

Bremmer created a law on private corporations and intellectual property

rights.


To ensure that profits go to the right places, Bechtel will take care

of the reconstruction business, Chevron-Texaco will take care of oil,

Halliburton will handle oil-related services, and CACI will continue to

provide torturers to Abu Ghraib and other prisons. Any business

opportunities that may have been overlooked in the first round will be

awarded to the usual suspects in the second round of no-bid contracts.


To ensure swift reconstruction, Iraq will be allowed to use its oil

revenues to pay American companies to rebuild everything the American

government destroyed.


L. Paul Bremmer boarded a C-130 to fly out of Baghdad immediately after

the handover ceremony. In his heart, he carried the eternal gratitude

of America’s handpicked interim government. In his briefcase, he

carried the testicles of Iraqi sovereignty.


The men behind the masks believe they can win the war by beheading

their enemies. The Americans believe they can win the war by castrating

their friends.


A few months ago George Bush appeared on television sporting a nasty

bruise on his forehead. He said he had fallen off his couch while

trying to watch a football game and eat tortilla chips at the same time.


The men behind the masks can put away their swords. For the enemy now

casts its eyes on matters of national importance: American football

season is coming and liberation is just a tempting tortilla chip away.

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