Buencamino writes political commentary for Action for Economic Reforms. This article was published in Business Mirror March 5,2008 edition, p. A10
Following the warning of Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos to CBCP (Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines) president Archbishop Angel Lagdameo that he “should be extra-careful. He should distance himself from the influence of Archbishop Cruz. He should smell danger. If he does not listen to the majority, I think there would be moves to replace him as president of CBCP,” the CBCP announced it will change its name to KBKP (Katolikong Bishops na Kampi kay Pandak).
The name change will take place at de facto Speaker Mikey de Pidal’s one-star eatery, Mikey’s Grill, located at the seven-star Diosdado Macapagal Avenue, a short stretch of asphalt even God cannot afford to pay.
Archbishops Diosdado Talamayan and Fernando Capalla will concelebrate a High Mass to consecrate the holy occasion. Fifty bishops will go around Mikey’s grill during the Offertory.
The collection will be led by Bishop Precioso Cantillas, the prelate who in 2006 said, “It is better that the money is channeled through the church or other credible institution than to give it to the politicians, where only half or less than half of it go to the beneficiaries.”
The Gloria Millennium Choir will sing the Enchanted Kingdom Hymn:
“The best things in life are freeBut you can keep them for the birds and beeNow give me moneyThat’s what I wantLots of moneyThat’s what I want, yeahThat’s what I want.
“Your loving gives me a thrillBut your loving don’t pay my billsNow give me moneyThat’s what I wantLots of moneyThat’s what I want, yeahThat’s what I found.
“Money don’t get everything it’s trueWhat it don’t get, I can’t useNow give me moneyThat’s what I wantLots of moneyThat’s what I want, yeahThat’s what I want
“Well now give me moneyA lot of moneyWow, yeah, I wanna be freeOh I want moneyThat’s what I wantThat’s what I want, wellNow give me moneyA lot of moneyWow, yeah, you need moneyNow, give me moneyThat’s what I want, yeahThat’s what I want.”
Gloria de Pidal—“I just do what I think is right. I do my best, I let God take care of the rest,” (“Bahala na ang Diyos sa inyo.”)—will not attend the ceremony. A certain Villabuitre from Kampi will represent “She Who Will Not Be Distracted By The Voice of the People.”
Among the birds of prey that will attend the ceremony is a congress of eagles from the Ateneo. The “Walking Eagles,” eagles who are so full of shit they can’t fly anymore, will be led by Big Mike, Ronnie, and Toting.
Another Walking Eagle, Speaker stunt double Noggieboy, will provide the entertainment. He will run around the grill naked while being chased by an angry policeman, a spoof of a hotel lobby incident that supposedly never happened.
In other related news, Archbishop Oscar Cruz said the CBCP seven-paragraph pastoral letter could have been shortened to a single word.
He said, “If only I were to take charge, I would put only one word in the letter: resign. ”
Bishop Ramon Villena promptly crucified Cruz for his called-for remark.
Said Villena, “The bishops are just following God’s will. I do not know whose will they are following.”
And so it goes …
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