Category: Dispatches from the Enchanted Kingdom

What is “kadiri”?

“Kadiri” is the word that retired Bishop Teodoro Bacani used to express his disapproval of the same sex marriage ceremony held in Baguio City. The english word for kadiri is disgusting, from the noun disgust, “a feeling of revulsion or profound disapproval aroused by something unpleasant or offensive.”

Okay, so same-sex marriage offends and disgusts the Bishop Bacani. But does he have any moral ascendancy to publicly condemn the behavior of others?

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Can a leopard change its spots?

A public relations man and a lawyer are alike in that determining right or wrong is not their concern. A lawyer deals with questions of law and a PR man with image. That’s why there will always be a lawyer to defend the most despicable monsters imaginable and a PR man to apply make-up. Because everyone has a right to due process and a corollary right to look good.

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“We will not let the pursuit of the perfect stand in the way of achievable goals.” – Barack Obama

I thought everybody welcomed the Supreme Court’s decision to allow live coverage of the Ampatuan trial so I was surprised to read that some people were not happy with certain conditions that came with the ruling.

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Jeepneys and the English Language

The mother lode of wayward metaphors was columnist Teodoro Benigno. One of his golden nuggets was “the Indians circled their wagons.” Unfortunately, the Benigno mine shut down permanently several years ago. I’ll have to pan for mixed metaphors from now on. But I won’t because prospecting is too much work. I’d rather wait for metaphorical nuggets to fall on my lap. Now before you deride me for being a devotee of Juan Tamad, let me say a few words in defense of Tamadism.

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Letter to President Aquino

Dear Señorito Noy,

I hope you don’t mind that I bring up a matter I find unbearably disturbing—your decision to retain Land Transportation Office (LTO) chief Virginia Torres at the cost of losing DOTC (Department of Transportation and Communications) Secretary Jose De Jesus.

Remember when you traded your old BMW for an almost new Porsche Carrera? Political considerations aside, I thought that was a damn good deal. It demonstrated your business acumen. It revealed a quality that will serve you well when your Public-Private Partnerships (PPP) program goes on stream. It reinforced my belief that I voted for the right candidate.

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Murder for life

Last week, Rizalito David, a former senatorial candidate of the anti-RH Kapatiran party, assaulted Kenneth Keng, a member of the pro-RH Filipino Freethinkers. The incident happened in the Batasan during plenary debates on the RH Bill.

Below is the victim’s account:

“It started with a brief exchange about how the RH Bill was part of America’s imperialist plot. David spoke loudly so that Keng would hear his accusation: those who didn’t agree that the Kissinger Population Report was imperialist was “bobo” (stupid). Keng replied that he has read the report and that he didn’t think it was stupid. David replied, “Like I said, bobo.” Keng ignored the comment and continued to record the hearing.

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It’s about sex?

“Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.” – Woody Allen

Archbishop Oscar Cruz wrote an editorial arguing that the Reproductive Health Bill is a misnomer and that it should be renamed Sex Bill 4244. Because all he could see in the bill was sex, sex, and more sex. Or as he puts it, “Take away the dear trimmings and endearing niceties from the Bill and this is its fundamental tripod: Sex. Safe Sex. Sexual Methods.”
Well, yes Archbishop, if you put it that way, the RH Bill is indeed about sex. But there’s really nothing wrong with sex…unless you find sex filthy.

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Toys “R” not for us

“If God had intended us not to masturbate he would’ve made our arms shorter” – George Carlin

Two congressmen have not allowed the raging controversies of the day to distract them from serving their El Shaddai constituents. I’m talking about the two Buhay party-list representatives, Irwin Tieng and Mariano Michael Velarde Jr., co-authors of House Bill 4509: “An act penalizing the distribution, possession with intent to distribute and production of any device for the physical stimulation of human genitals for anything of pecuniary value and providing penalties for violations thereof.”

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Letter to “Senator” Zubiri

Last Easter, the man occupying the Senate seat won by Koko Pimentel, expressed disappointment with President Aquino.

“The President is a friend, but he has no clear vision for our country. He has no 2020 agenda. FVR had a Philippines 2000, while P-Noy has none, not even for 2015… I support his anti-corruption, but after that what? What else is new?” said “Senator” Juan Miguel Zubiri.

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The Mob Cries Persecution

“Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give the appearance of solidity to pure wind.” – George Orwell

“Gloria is very upset,” she said as she unpacked the bikinis she wore at the beach. “She claims the administration is badmouthing her to deflect complaints about rising prices.”

“Laying out facts is not badmouthing,” he replied.

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“It’s going to be a different kind of Holy Week for us Catholic Filipinos,” she said as she tried on bikinis for the beach.

“How so?” I asked.

“The bishops launched a website that will allow us to do visita iglesia online. I can to go to the Manila Cathedral, San Agustin Church, Quiapo Church, San Lorenzo Ruiz Church, Tondo Church, Malate Church, and Baclaran Church and get my tan at the same time.”

“I don’t think that’s what the bishops had in mind,” I replied.

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