The pause that refreshes

Buencamino is a fellow of Action for Economic Reforms. This was published in the July 8, 2009 edition of the Business Mirror, page A6.

That thing about the breast implant, that’s already foul. That’s a bit too much already. – Sen. Loren Legarda

I agree with the good Senator Legarda. It’s not the public’s business whether or not Gloria Arroyo underwent breast augmentation 20 years ago.  The only operation allowed public discourse is the augmentation Dr. Garci performed in 2004.

Anyway, I support the right of any adult—male, female, and every sex in between—to enhance his appearance by whatever means necessary. Now, let’s move on.

Allow me to share with you the contents of a CD delivered to my house by an anonymous person. The CD contains phone conversations between a woman and her boob.

Below is the transcript of that conversation:

“Hello Cerge? I just read a news item that said I checked into Asian Hospital for mammoplastic repair of leaking breast implants done in the ’80s, have you read it yet?”

“Yes, ma’am. I took care of it already.”

“Ahm… good. What did you tell the press?”

“Ma’am? I told them, res ipsa loquitur. Just look if the President had a breast implant. It’s obvious if women have breast implants. The sexy actresses with big boobs, they’re the ones who have breast implants. We can’t say the same thing of the President.”

“You told them res ipsa loquitor?”

“Yes ma’am, I said the things speak for themselves. It’s obvious you don’t have implants.”

“Ahm…”

“I also said, si Presidente ba mukha na iyong tipo ng babae na magpapaganun (Is the President the type of woman who would do that [get a boob job])?”

“You told them what!?!”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Why, what type of woman gets a boob job?”

“Pardon?”

“I asked you what you thought of a woman with a boob job!“

“Ma’am? You want me to spell it out for you?”

“Yes, spell it out! I got implants twenty years ago and I want to know what type of woman you think I am!”

Silence.

“Hello…hello…haller…Cerge, are you still there?”

“Yes ma’am, I’m still here. Sori poh…”

“Forget it. Let’s move on. What do I tell the press when they ask me about my side-trip to Cartagena?”

“I took care of that already, ma’am.”

“You took care of it already, again?”

“Yes, poh.  While we were still in South America I told the press it’s not actually a side-trip, it’s more like a stopover. Brazil is so far away non-stop flight was not possible so we stopped-over in Cartegena and spent the weekend there.”

“Don’t you realize people can figure out the range of our chartered Airbus?”

“Ma’am?”

“Why didn’t you just tell them I was not expected in Brazil until Monday so I dropped in on the Filipino community in Cartagena?”

“Poh?”

“Yes, I know.”

“Ma’am, the people might wonder why we didn’t just spend the weekend in San Franciso, to touch base with the larger Filipino community there.”

“Why didn’t we do that?”

“Ma’am? Some people in your party expressed apprehension about the welcome awaiting them if they enter the US.”

“Uhm…I forgot about that.  Ask Ambassador Willy to check on that. Anyway, did the press ask you about our flight from Rio to Hong Kong?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Good. But if they do, don’t claim the flight from Rio to Hong Kong is shorter than the flight from San Francisco to Recife so we were able to fly non-stop.”

“No. ma’am, I won’t say that. If they ask, I’ll just tell them we re-fuelled in mid-air.”

“How did you explain our stop-over in Hong Kong?”

“I told them you were tired and in need of a pause that refreshes.”

“A pause that refreshes? That’s an old Coke slogan. What does Coke have to do with my stop-over in Hongkong?”

“Kasi poh you met with Robert Kuok of Shangri-la and Tony Kwok the anti-corruption consultant…(giggles)”

“Huh?”

“You paused for two koks, get it?”

“Aaargh…somebody, anybody, please, just shoot me.”

“Ma’am? Hello…hello?”

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