The Battle of the Boobs

Buencamino does political and foreign affairs analysis for Action for Economic Reforms. In addition, he spent his youth analyzing Playboy magazine interviews. He will now spend the rest of his years analyzing the centerfolds.

Hundreds of millions who watched the recent National Football League (NFL) Super Bowl halftime show saw teen idol Justin Timberlake uncover Janet Jackson’s perfectly shaped right breast, pierced with a silver starburst. It was the hottest topic on the planet. Reactions ranged from sheer delight (most of the planet) to sheer outrage to trauma. Michael Powell, chief of the Federal Communications Commission and son of White House lawn ornament Colin Powell, will launch a swift and thorough federal investigation. Not content with expressing outrage, he is going to do some serious poking into the boob affair. Terri Carlin of Knoxville, Tennessee is suing everybody involved from Janet Jackson to Viacom, the owner of MTV, CBS and MTV.

Another exposure was also making big news all over the planet at about the time of the Jackson incident. David Kay, the man George Bush sent to Iraq in hopes of finding Saddam Hussein’s weapons of mass destruction returned empty handed. Bush’s ratings took a dive because of David Kay’s non-findings, so Karl Rove, the silicon in the boob in the White House, decided to act before his boob lost his bounce.

Probably smarting from all the attention being given to the Viacom subsidiary CBS, the General Electric subsidiary NBC decided to accept the White House offer to interview George Bush on “Meet the Press”. The build-up to the show was done in true American fashion. Pundits and columnists were falling all over themselves describing Tim Russert, the “Meet the Press” star, as the man who would finally expose Bush’s lies.
Yes sir folks, Tim Russert was going to be the Justin Timberlake of Sunday Morning Gabfests.

The interview rambled on for an hour, so for the reader’s convenience, I did some editing. I removed the ramblings and left only the parts that were most salient to questions on “hyped-up” intelligence and why Bush invaded Iraq. (For the brave who want to read a transcript of the entire interview go to NBC websites or ask Google.)

Russert: On Friday, you announced a committee, commission to look into intelligence failures regarding the Iraq war and our entire intelligence community. You have been reluctant to do that for some time. Why?

Bush : Well, first let me kind of step back and talk about intelligence in general…. Russert: Prime Minister Blair has set up a similar commission in Great Britain.

President Bush: Yeah.

Russert: His is going to report back in July. Ours is not going to be until March of 2005, five months after the presidential election.

President Bush: Yeah.

Russert: Shouldn’t the American people have the benefit of the commission before the election?

President Bush: Well, the reason why we gave it time is because we didn’t want it to be hurried….

Russert: Will you testify before the commission?

President Bush: This commission? You know I don’t testify….

Russert: There is another commission right now looking into September 11th.

President Bush: Yeah.

Russert: Would you submit for questioning, though, to the 9/11 Commission?

President Bush: Perhaps, perhaps.

Russert: Do you have a pretty good idea where Osama is?

President Bush: I’m not going to comment….

Russert: The night you took the country to war, March 17th, you said this: “Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised.”

President Bush: Right.

Russert: That apparently is not the case.

President Bush: Correct.

Russert: How do you respond to critics who say that you brought the nation to war under false pretenses?

President Bush: I don’t think America can stand by and hope for the best from a madman.

Russert: Mr. President, the Director of the CIA said that his briefings had qualifiers and caveats, but when you spoke to the country, you said “there is no doubt.” When Vice President Cheney spoke to the country, he said “there is no doubt.” Secretary Powell, “no doubt.” Secretary Rumsfeld, “no doubt, we know where the weapons are.” You said, quote, “The Iraqi regime is a threat of unique urgency.” “Saddam Hussein is a threat that we must deal with as quickly as possible.”

You gave the clear sense that this was an immediate threat that must be dealt with.

President Bush: I don’t want to get into word contests….

There was no doubt in my mind that Saddam Hussein was a danger to America.

Russert: In what way?

President Bush: Well, because he…is a madman.

Russert: There is a sense in the country that the intelligence that was given was ambiguous, and that you took it and molded it and shaped it your opponents have said “hyped” it and rushed to war.

President Bush: Yeah.

Russert: And now, in the world, if you, in the future, say we must go into North Korea or we must go into Iran because they have nuclear capability, either this country or the world will say, ‘Excuse you, Mr. President, we want it now in hard, cold facts.’

President Bush: Now, I know I’m getting repetitive…you can’t rely upon
a madman, he was a madman…and it’s too late, when a madman…is able to
act.

Russert: Now looking back, in your mind, is it worth the loss of 530
American lives and 3,000 injuries and woundings simply to remove Saddam
Hussein, even though there were no weapons of mass destruction?

President Bush: It’s essential that I explain this properly to the parents of those who lost their lives.

Saddam Hussein was…a madman.

Russert: In light of not finding the weapons of mass destruction, do you believe the war in Iraq is a war of choice or a war of necessity?

President Bush: I think that’s an interesting question.

Russert: We are going to take a quick break.

President Bush: Thank you.

Russert: And we are back in the Oval Office talking to the President of the United States. Mr. President, this campaign is fully engaged. The chairman of the Democratic National Committee, Terence McAuliffe, said this last week: “I look forward to that debate when John Kerry, a war hero with a chest full of medals, is standing next to George Bush, a man who was AWOL in the Alabama National Guard. He didn’t show up when he should have showed up.”

President Bush: Yeah.

Russert: How do you respond?

President Bush: I got an honorable discharge.

Russert: The Boston Globe and the Associated Press have gone through some of their records and said there’s no evidence that you reported to duty in Alabama during the summer and fall of 1972.

President Bush: There may be no evidence, but I did report; otherwise, I wouldn’t have been honorably discharged. I got an honorable
discharge….

Russert: Let me turn to the economy.

President Bush: Yes.

Russert: ( blah blah blah)

President Bush: (La-di-da, la-di-da)

Russert: That’s all for today. We will be back next week. If it’s Sunday, it’s Meet The Press.

Such eloquence calls to mind an old (paraphrased) cliché about children: Boobs should be seen, not heard.

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