Spiritual Circumcision

Buencamino does foreign affairs analysis for the NGO Action for Economic Reforms. This piece was published in the newspaper Today, page 11 of the 30 May 2004 edition.

God will destroy all the uncircumcised nations along with the House of Israel, because the House of Israel is uncircumcised in the heart . . . [I]t is through the Gospel . . . that men’s hearts are circumcised.
——Kim Hadassah Johnson

You know that a woman is dangerous when she begins to think of Salvation in terms of modifying the male anatomy. Oprah Winfrey is dangerous in her own special way. She and her millions of eternally dieting overweight storm-troopers want all men to turn into metrosexuals— men who are in touch with their feminine side, whose masculinity is not threatened by facials, tummy tucks, liposuction, or shedding tears while watching the latest Julia Roberts-Hugh Grant movie.

There’s nothing wrong with metrosexuality, especially if it generates domestic tranquility, but Oprah has a tendency to overdo things.

One time, Oprah guested a married couple to talk about “their” pregnancy and “their” birthing. I was cringing at the husband’s retelling of his difficult pregnancy and delivery when I caught “that” look on my girlfriend’s face. My only escape was to make light of the topic by asking my loved one if the husband also talked about “their” PMS and their fights over tissues whenever a “moment” arose. She called me a Neanderthal. I replied, “But you are my feminine side.” I got a look that said, “Go ahead make fun.

Sooner rather than later you will be kicking up your heels in Oprah’s eunuch chorus line.” Ouch.

I read about Kim Hadassah Johnson during one of my ex-girlfriend’s Oprah tele-analysis sessions. (I have to use “ex” until I can prove to her that I am in touch with the woman in me.) The Oprah analysis hour is one of those occasions when one has to look busy in order to avoid an “invitation” to share the show. Metrosexuality 101 says “One does not watch Oprah with his loved one, he shares it.”

Anyway, I think that Kim Hadassah Johnson, an apocalyptic evangelical obsessed with circumcision, is aptly named because Mr. Johnson is a pet name that little boys have for their penis. I would have left it at
that except that Ms. Johnson—is that an oxymoron or what?—was sent to Israel as a representative of an American evangelical Christian group called the Apostolic Congress. This group is part of the Christian
Zionist Movement, a group that advocates a literal biblical solution to the Palestinian-Israeli conflict. In brutally frank words, it means death to Palestine because Christ ain’t coming back unless the biblical
land of Israel is restored and David’s temple rebuilt. George W. Bush, who is no slouch as far as conversations with God goes, inherited those lunatics from Ronald Reagan and he loves all 30 million of them.

His Attorney General, John Ashcroft, speaks in tongues when he is visited by the Holy Spirit. During the summer preceding 911, at the time of the “chatter” about impending terrorist attacks on US soil, Ashcroft was more concerned about covering the exposed bosom of Lady Justice in courthouses all over the US.

The hidden hand that turned Abu Ghraib prison into the Middle East version of Camp X-Ray in Guantanamo is General Boykin. He believes that “George Bush was not elected by a majority of the voters in the US. He was appointed by God.”

Former Clinton adviser Sydney Blumenthal characterizes Boykin as “a circuit rider for the religious right. He allied himself with a small group called the Faith Force Multiplier that advocates applying military principles to evangelism. Its manifesto— Warrior Message—summons “warriors in this spiritual war for souls of this nation and the world … ” Blumenthal quotes Gen. Boykin saying, ” … They (Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein) will only be defeated if we come against them in the name of Jesus.”

Kim Hadassah Johnson is in good company but the Warrior Princess has her work cut out for her (no pun intended). Rick Perlstein of the Village Voice says “Apostolics believe that only 144,000 Jews who have not, prior to the Second Coming of Christ, acknowledged Jesus as the Messiah will be saved in the end times.” So, Kim, keep your knife sharp because we are talking about millions of Jews who need to undergo a “circumcision of the heart.”

General Boykin’s Holy Warriors believed they were helping Kim’s circumcision crusade but something must have gotten lost in the translation because in Abu Ghraib prison, the Holy Warriors were busy pulling down prisoner’s pants. Perhaps they really needed to find out who needed to be circumcised. Ouch!

No comments yet.