Rectal rectitude

Buencamino is a fellow of Action for Economic Reforms. This article was published in the Business Mirror, April 30,2008 edition, p. A10.

Cebu’s epitome of rectitude, Monsignor Achilles Dakay, said the rectal scandal courtesy of the Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center was, at bottom, all about “the homosexual act that was done very badly.”

I had to ask my confessor, “Is the monsignor suggesting he knows a better way to stuff a can of body spray up a rectum?”

Now, I don’t want to be accused of taking the good priest’s words out of context so here is his statement as reported in another paper:

“We are asking everyone not to forget or to bypass the main issue: The wrong act of a gay with another man,” Dakay said in an interview over the Church-run Radio Veritas. “People are not talking about what happened before the operation—the homosexual act that was done very badly.” I still can’t tell whether he’s talking about morals or criticizing an insertion technique.

Anyway, something else Dakay said made me wonder about the mental health of his God, for he said, “We should sympathize with them because they were born that way and made that way, but if they did what is prohibited, then that is another thing.”

I ran back to my confessor, “God made them ‘that way’ and then prohibited homosexual acts, is God a sadist?”

“God works in mysterious ways,” he replied.

“It’s an analyst’s nightmare,” I said.

I remember my catechism teacher used to tell me, “God made us into His image and likeness.”

I would invariably ask, “Including Hitler, serial killers, and homosexuals?”

And I would feel his rod against my posterior… the wooden one used for spanking, of course. There’s no need for the Pope to apologize to me.

What options are left for homosexuals?

A homosexual can pretend he/she is not and marry someone from the opposite sex.

A homosexual can opt for celibacy; it’s a healthy lifestyle, look at Mahatma Gandhi’s physique. By the way, Gandhi was assassinated, but for reasons unrelated to his lifestyle choice.

I was going to add that a homosexual can become a priest or a nun and never have to worry about doing what Dakay calls “what is prohibited” but, on second thought, it’s better to leave that thought in the closet.

Dakay’s decayed moral pronouncement enraged the gays, justifiably I believe. But I hope they don’t do a Suarez.

If you will recall, Representative Danilo Suarez was going to lead a posse of 28 Southern Luzon congressmen to the Vatican, to charge Archbishop Oscar Cruz for conduct unbecoming a bishop. Cruz had said giving Holy Communion to a public sinner is like throwing the body of Christ in a garbage can.

At first, I didn’t take Suarez seriously, but upon further reflection, I realized Suarez was telling the truth.

Today’s bishops regularly feed the Body of Christ  to known gambling lords, drug lords, human rights violators, smugglers, plunderers, cheats, and liars. Cruz’s uncompromising behavior is unbecoming under a regime of donor-driven prelates.

On another front, Cruz finds himself rear-ended by Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez. He who once picked on widows Corazon Aquino and Susan Roces, refused Subic rape victim Nicole an audience, insulted her and her mother, blamed Peace Corps volunteer Julia Campbell for getting herself murdered, suddenly became a knight of Pagcor’s female employees. He reversed the dismissal of the Manila City Prosecutors office and resurrected the libel case lodged by Pagcor female employees against Archbishop Cruz.  And it’s not because Cruz compared Gloria Arroyo to a garbage can. Oh no, not at all.

Gonzalez is a born-again defender of Filipina womanhood. He’s standing up for the rights and reputation of the women of Pagcor and he’s going to give us a demonstration of rectal rectitude in action.

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