Queer eye for the Kim guy

Mr. Buencamino writes political commentary for Action for Economic Reforms. This article was published in Business Mirror, October 18, 2006  edition, p. A6.

I have no idea who wrote this short note or where it came from. It was delivered to my ancestral home in an unmarked envelope by unidentified couriers, just like the two fake Hello Garci CDs that found their way to Toting Bunye.

Dear Kimi,

You’re probably losing sleep over the world’s reaction to your great leap forward. You shouldn’t. Many of those who condemned you are just like you; they believe those who cannot make history have every right to possess the means to end it.

Look at George W. Bush and Tony Blair. Look at Mrs. Gloria M. Arroyo even.  She has no capability to build nuclear bombs yet she ordered her lackeys to remove the ban on nuclear weapons from her proposed constitution.

Kimi, the issue is not about nuclear weapons, it’s about who’s allowed to blow up the world.

The politics of arms control is like the politics behind America’s second amendment, the right to bear arms. The National Rifle Association (NRA), representing America’s gun manufacturers and gun owners, is the most vociferous promoter of that right.  It is, according to the online encyclopedia, Wikipedia, “one of the most influential political lobbies in the US because of its ability to consistently deliver large numbers of votes in elections, as well as its record of campaign contributions and activities…”  Consequently, despite the horrifying numbers of gun-related deaths in the US, American politicians are afraid to correct the NRA’s deliberate misinterpretation of the second amendment. They refuse to restrict gun ownership.  So, on the surface, the NRA enjoys firm footing.  In reality, however, their base is not that solid.

Politics in America is skin deep. If you don’t believe me,  ask yourself  this question: if  Louis Farrakhan, the head of the Afro-American politico-religious organization, Nation of Islam,  were to become president of the NRA and he uses that position to encourage his followers to buy as many semi-automatic assault weapons as they can,  do you think white America would continue to support the NRA? Do you think they would still find the right to own guns wonderful and inalienable? See where I’m going?

It’s not the purity of one’s soul that counts, it’s the color of his uniform.

A few years ago, Pervez Musharaaf, the dictator of Pakistan, was a pariah just like you. But he enlisted in Bush’s war on terror.  Now he’s feted at the White House and receives gazillions of dollars in foreign aid.

Kimi, take your cue from Musharaaf.  Stop being a rogue and join the herd. Tell Dubya you built nuclear bombs so you can drop them on Iran and Syria. Prove to him you are a freedom-loving person who hates Muslims by offering him your prisons as interrogation, torture, and detention gulags for suspected Muslim terrorists. Go where Musharaaf fears to tread, tell Bush you agree that Israel’s occupation of Palestine is kosher. I guarantee you’ll be addressing a joint session of the US Congress and barbecuing steaks in Crawford, Texas before you know it.

One last thing, if you decide you want that image make-over, you will have to match your talk with your appearance. So lose the Elvis jumpsuit, the Viva Las Vegas sunglasses and the Miriam Santiago hairdo.

It’s better to look good than to be good,

The Make-over Guy

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