Jabberwocky*

Buencamino writes political commentary for Action for Economic Reforms. This article was published in Business Mirror, August 30, 2006 edition, p. A6.

For those who missed the 17 hours of debate on the impeachment, here is a brief summary.

“We accuse Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo of cheating, stealing and violating human rights,” said the minority.
“Really?” asked the majority’s spokesman.
“Yes,” said the minority, “we’ve got seven mega-boxes of evidence to prove it. We’ll show it to you.”

“No, you won’t,” said the Spokesman.
“Why not?” asked the minority.
“Because ‘da roools’ say so,” the Spokesman replied.
“But, we followed the rule,” protested the minority.

“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, we did.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, we did.”

“Well, we say you didn’t so let’s vote on whether you did or did not, ”  said the Spokesman.

“Why don’t we vote on the evidence instead?” countered the minority.
“What evidence?” the Spokesman asked.
“The seven mega-boxes of evidence sitting before you waiting to be opened.”  the minority replied.

“Those boxes won’t be opened,” said the Spokesman.
“Why not?” asked the minority.
“Because  you didn’t cite oooltimate facts,”  the Spokesman said.
“But, we did,” the minority protested.

“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, we did.”
“No you didn’t. “
“Yes, we did.”

“NO, YOU DID NOT!” the Spokesman yelled. “There are “roools” and there are rules. And we decide when which is which.”

“You’re afraid of the evidence,” taunted the minority.
“No, we’re not.” said the Spokesman.

“Yes, you are.”
“No, we’re not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“NO, WE’RE NOT!”

“EVIDENCE!”  shouted the minority.
“ROOOLS!”   yelled the Spokesman.
“TRUTH!” shouted the minority.
“NUMBERS!” yelled the Spokesman.

“It’s time to kill the impeachment,” interjected the majority leader.
“Yes. It’s time to kill…,” the presiding officer said.

The Spokesman asked, “Mr. Speaker, can I explain the committee’s YES vote?”
The Speaker replied, “Yes, you may. You have three minutes.”

“Thank you. Mr. Speaker… Distinguished colleagues, allow me to explain CLEEERLY why I’m voting to kill the impeachment,

” … ‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

‘Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!’

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought —
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

‘And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!’
He chortled in his joy.

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.’   …Thank you. I  vote YES, Mr. Speaker.”

Upon hearing the Spokesman’s words, Alice said, “… It seems to fill my head with ideas— only I don’t know exactly what they are…”  But the Batasan knew exactly what the Spokesman’s nonsense meant so they voted 173-32  for their queen.

The Queen’s henchmen were pleased.
“It’s done, Your Majesty,” they reported to her.
“Good job, loyal subjects. Now onward to Charter change!” she replied triumphantly. Or so it seemed.

In reality, the Queen was depressed. She beat her opponents but she didn’t win her subjects over. She was reminded, once again, that the only time they ever appreciated her was when she announced her intention to retire.  And so, with nothing to look forward to except one more lonely and sleepless night, the unloved Queen told her butler, “Mike, bring me my usual… and call Palparan…I need to hear some news that will cheer me up.”

*Jabberwocky is a poem by Lewis Carroll, author of Through the Looking Glass and Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

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